Dear Al
I think I read in one of your past columns you were ADHD. I was recently diagnosed in my early forties after a period of mild depression. I told my doctor I was having a terrible time focusing on anything for any length of time so he sent me in for tests. They said I have probably been this way since childhood. He said the depression just magnified it. The therapist wants to medicate me, but I remain wary. What did you do?
Elaine

Dear Elaine
You read correctly. I too was in one of those valleys we find ourselves in from time to time and went through a similar experience as yours. The truth is, learning the facts liberated me to be more accepting of myself. I struggled for years with focus as I would merrily jump from thing to thing, getting nothing finished and being criticized. I would beat myself up and try to do better only to repeat the pattern again and again. It has caused some relationship issues and financial ones too over the years.

Now that I understand what is happening to me, I am better able to deal with it when those moments of anxiety and frustration wash over me. Those times of the day when I feel about ready to self-destruct over one more detail, I have learned to walk away and give myself permission to do something enjoyable for a half hour or so while I try to reign in my active mind. Sometimes it can be as simple as picking up the phone and calling a friend for a brief chat.

There are times when you just have to battle through it because you have to, but I have to confess there were days when I battled through when it was not necessary. I was just being stubborn and refused to give in. Those were frequently the times when my work would be less than stellar or my presence would become stressful to those around me. The results were frequently having to redo assignments anyway. It took a long time to realize how others were seeing me in those times. I felt people were being needlessly harsh with me unaware of the degree of frustration I was causing them. They in turn would look at me and wonder why I was being so difficult. Some days you need to just call it a day.

I have found an herbal mixture that has been helpful at times. It was developed for kids so I just take more. It is manufactured by Source Naturals, Inc. www.sourcenaturals.com , called Attentive Child Calming Liquid. It has changed my granddaughter Ashely's life for the better since she started taking it. Another good strategy is to do things as part of a team. A team can be supportive when you are on one of your many tangents, as can an understanding friend or mate who can smile and be patient when others want to knock your block off in frustration. Take it hour by hour and the days will handle themselves.

Another piece of advice, if I may. Do not bother trying to explain your behavior to most people. They really do not care and they look at you like you're making it up as you speak. Most considered it a childhood disease and view your explanation as whining or a lame excuse for poor performance. Does that ring a bell? It is difficult to find books on adult ADHD, but there are hundreds for children. I guess people forget that legitimately dianosed ADHD children frequently grow up to be ADHD adults. Duh!

Finally, I chose not to medicate except for the herbs and a good dose of fish oil everyday. The fish oil helps me in many other ways also. Drugs have side effects. I discussed it in detail with my doctor. His advice was to take drugs only when I needed them to live. Everything else was exposing me to unnecessary risk. ADHD is not terminal unless you annoy a really bad guy. That you can avoid I hope.
Al